


when i feel this cold they're like the fucking sun

by Neverander



Series: Vampire Smile [2]
Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-22
Updated: 2015-08-22
Packaged: 2018-04-16 16:51:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4632795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Neverander/pseuds/Neverander
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“who are you”<br/>“so this is gonna sound really weird right now but i made a deal to save your life but at the cost of all of your memories of us together and i’m acting like i’m not bothered but i’m dying inside” au Lawstein</p>
            </blockquote>





	when i feel this cold they're like the fucking sun

_“Carmilla, Carmilla!”_  
Carmilla wakes to find a ridiculously attractive redhead looming over her.  
"Carmilla?" Apparently she's been saying her name for a while. The girl moves to help her stand and Carmilla, in her disorientation, doesn't try to fight her. The girl is at least six feet tall.  
"Christ beanstalk, what the hell is going on now? Who the hell are you?"  
The girl winces minutely, covers it quickly. "Well you died, you know, completely and I made a deal to bring you back. It cost your memory of me. Which clearly worked on all sides so, yay."  
Carmilla squints. "So I know you but I died somehow and to live lost my memories of you? I've never heard of such a thing."  
"Yeah, well, we all searched through everything we could find and this was all we had. We weren't even sure it would work. You remember Laura and Laf and Perry right?"  
"Of course I do, so who are you, Xena?"  
The girl winces again. "Danny Lawrence. Do me a favor and don't call me Xena or beanstalk or whatever else just call me Lawrence, please? I did just save your life."  
"Fine, Lawrence."  
Her lips twitch into a forced smile. "Let's get back to the others. This took a while and they're probably worried."  
"So the ginger twins are actually a ginger squad?"  
Danny's laugh is forced, "yeah, I guess we are. You and I sort of hated each other when we first met but we fought your mom together and became, friends, sort of." They reach the entrance of the strange underground auditorium they appeared to be in. "can you just wait here for a second? The others don't know and I just want to warn them."  
"What don't they know?"  
"We didn't know what this would cost."  
"What? How are you mortals this stupid? Is this a ginger thing? You can't just perform this stuff without knowing the consequence!"  
"It didn't matter! Carmilla you were dead, no one cared about the cost! Now just wait here."  
Carmilla opens her mouth but Danny is already out the door, it slams resolutely behind her.  
-  
"Danny! Where's Carm?"  
"She's fine Laura, she's right there so I need you to stop talking and let me explain." Laura nods, Danny should be ecstatic that Carmilla is alive so something is clearly wrong. "She doesn't know who I am."  
"What-"  
"It was the price, you know that valuable thing we couldn't figure out. That was it."  
"But, Danny," Perry moves towards her. Laf looks at her regretfully but with understanding just over Perry's shoulder. "Are you okay?"  
Danny backs away from them. "Yeah, just, I need time? I just wanted to let you know and don't- don't say anything okay?" Danny is working hard not to fall apart. "I need some space, I'm going to the summer house."  
"But Danny you live-"  
"I know where I live Laura!" Danny breathes deeply. She can hear the door open; Carmilla is done waiting. "Sorry, I'll see you around."  
"Danny, wait."  
She doesn't turn around; the darkness closes in around her as she walks away.  
"That didn't sound good."  
Laura turns to Carmilla, unable to resist smiling because the vampire is alive so at least they have that. "She's just," Laura shrugs. She doesn't know what to say.  
"Glad you're back Carmilla." Perry jumps in, well timed as always. "Now let's get you home and out this hole." Perry eyes their surroundings with disdain.  
"Sure, easybake, lets go." She swings an arm across Laura's shoulders as they walk.  
Laf's eyes widen, "Danny always calls you that, shouldn't Carmilla have forgotten?" Perry shrugs.  
Carmilla sighs. "This is what happens when you do insane magic without knowing the consequence."  
As they walk out Laura somehow feels like this whole thing is her fault.  
-  
Carmilla looks around her living room, "this is weird."  
"Well we were doing research and didn't really clean-" Laura starts to explain away the mess.  
"No, not that, there's just, does Lawrence live here?"  
Laura looks around the room covered in old books and papers. "What makes you say that?" _And when on earth did Carmilla ever call Danny ‘Lawrence’_  
"Smells like her, those clothes aren't mine, there's pictures on that table, I could go on."  
Laura grimaces. "Yeah, she does- did- I mean, I don't know what will happen now."  
"She said we were barely friends, we hated each other."  
"You did at first but things...changed."  
Carmilla walks over the mess of books and grabs at one of the photos. Danny looks like an awkward puppy all covered in goo and Carmilla is actually laughing, her whole face is lit up. It's a candid that Laf managed to take after an experiment went hilariously sideways.  
Laura doesn't know how to explain the half a dozen similar photos scattered around the apartment. _You barely knew each other but spent all your time together, you were barely friends but when you fell asleep in her lap Danny looked at you like she couldn't believe you were real, you barely tolerated each other but when Danny laughed you watched her like you watch the stars._  
Carmilla eyes the rest of the photos and when she finally looks at Laura, it's all over her face, she knows. "We were together." Laura doesn't have to answer; it’s all over her face too. "She loved me. That’s why it worked, that’s why the memories mattered."  
Laura doesn't know what to say but the tense bothers her, "she loves you, you loved her."  
"How long?"  
"Almost two years. After your mother, after the school settled. She's going for her masters here. Wanted more time with you, with all of us."  
"What's her masters?" Carmilla asks numbly.  
"Literature."  
Carmilla laughs, quick and hollow, "of course."  
She looks down at her own smiling face and can't remember ever feeling that happy. "Where is she?"  
"Carmilla-"  
"Where is she, Laura?"  
"Summer society. She used to be a member, stuff happened but she's still friends with most of the older girls."  
Carmilla drops the frame to the ground, the picture she stuffs in her pocket as she walks out the door, leaving Laura behind.  
-  
Carmilla actually knocks on the Summer Society door when she gets there. Jen opens the door, Carmilla knows her, Carmilla doesn't remember exactly why she knows her.  
"Holy fuckballs you're alive!"  
"Eloquent as ever, where is Lawrence?"  
"Does she know? She's fucking miserable, why the hell isn't she with you?"  
Carmilla rolls her eyes so hard it almost hurts. "Where?" She grits it out between her sharpened teeth.  
"Third floor last door on the left, Nat's room. Christ you'd think being alive again would have softened you a little."  
Carmilla scoffs as she walks past her and heads for the stairs. She knows this house so well. She has no connection to these girls. She thinks back, tries to place why she knows them. Some were at the fight with her mother she knows that, remembers them but Jen wasn't, Nat, the new president, wasn't there. By the time Carmilla reaches the room she's fuming, she doesn't knock. The door slams the back wall when she throws it open.  
Danny's eyes are bloodshot and tear tracks stain her cheeks. Nat jumps from her position on the couch ready to yell at whatever girl barged in but she freezes when she sees Carmilla.  
"I need to talk to Lawrence."  
Danny had wiped hastily at her eyes the second the door opened and somehow looks like she was barely crying at all. "Nat, I know it's your room but can we?"  
"You sure? I can stay." Nat is torn between wanting to be there for Danny and wanting no part of the look on Carmilla's face.  
"Don't worry about it, we won't be long." She tries to look pointedly at Carmilla but it has no bite to it, she's just tired.  
Nat leaves, Danny still hasn't moved, so Carmilla walks forward and stands over her.  
"I know."  
Danny looks up at her resigned, "really? What do you think you know, Carmilla?"  
Carmilla's face twists; she can feel the rage surge through her, renewed. "I know we were together, we were in love, I know I was happy!" With that she throws the picture at Danny's chest. "How dare you take that from me!"  
Danny stares down at them, what they had, for a long moment before looking into Carmilla's angry eyes. "You were dead. It didn't matter. Still doesn't." Danny's voice is monotone. "You don't remember anyway, what are you so angry about?"  
"I was happy! You knew me, you supposedly loved me, if you knew me at all how could you take that from me?" She gestured wildly to the photograph. "I look at myself and I don't know who that is. I've never been that happy, ever! Why- how could you just take that from me!?"  
"Because I wanted you alive!" Danny is on her feet, the picture clenched in her fist. "I'm selfish and in love and I just wanted you alive!" Danny deflates almost instantly, "you don't even know, Carmilla. You don't know what you're missing, what we had and yeah that's my fault but, fuck Carm, I still remember everything; I still feel it to my fucking soul. So I can't- I can't have this fight with you okay? You'll be happy again. You're a freaking vampire, you're over 300 years old and you'll keep living and you'll find somebody else, so just," she sucks in a deep breath to hold off her tears and sits back down with her fist pressed to her temple, still clutching the photograph, "just let this go. I know I did this without your permission and I'm sorry but the only reason you're here, yelling at me, is because I did it and honestly I'd do it again. I'd do anything for you, Carm."  
Carmilla stares down at her, this time in disbelief. "You can't, you can't just, I'm 300 years old and I've never been happy, you big dumb puppy!" she leans in and grips Danny’s shoulders, almost shaking her to get her to look her in the eyes. "What makes you think that the next 300 years will be different? What makes you think there's somebody else out there when there never has been before? There never was before but then there's you. It was you." Carmilla is torn between anger and tears and settles on something broken in between. "What if you're it for me?"  
Danny stares up at her, eyes wide, "do you- are you-"  
Carmilla rolls tear-filled eyes and settles on Danny's lap, her arms slide over her shoulders and around her neck, "Lawrence, you're right, I am alive so let's make some new memories. Date me again."  
Danny wraps her arms around her and hugs her close, "only if you call me Danny."  
"I don't know, Xena I feel like I didn't do that very often."  
"Thought we were making new memories."  
"Still gonna be me though."  
"Good. I missed you."


End file.
